I need to keep my mouth shut for just one minute

So today I went for x-rays and an MRI, I haven't been without the kids in such a long time that I forgot they weren't with me and as I was driving to the medical office this morning I saw a train and said out loud "there's the choo-choo". I realized I was on my own and then my inner voice had a conversation about me needing to get out more, so that this doesn't happen again. (This is the 2nd time I've done this, previously I've pointed out a school bus to myself).

I need to learn to follow rules and keep my mouth shut. Keeping my mouth shut has always been a challenge.

I was supposed to have 2 sets of x-rays, 5 views of my neck and 5 views of my lower spine. One of the ones for my neck involved the radiographer taking an x-ray through my mouth. So of course she set up the x-ray with my mouth open. But I was self conscious of her seeing all my fillings, and so, as she walked away I said "sorry about my coffee breath", followed by a little chuckle on my part, nervous chuckle I might add. Let me tell you what happened then - I ended up having an extra x-ray because it didn't take the picture correctly, as one certain person couldn't follow a simple rule such as don't move. Oops!

Later in the day I went for my MRI - again 2, one for the neck and one for the lower back. I have never had one before, and wasn't sure what to expect. Of course you have to lay perfectly still while you listen to a jackhammer making different tunes around you. Why is it that when you have to stay perfectly still you need to itch your nose or need to cough. I spent the first 20 minutes trying to think of anything other than itching my nose. My thoughts were - try to think of music that sounded like the tune of the MRI. I wasn't that successful except one of the "jackhammer tunes" sounded like Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. By the time I had to have the second MRI my butt was numb, and I really wanted to cough - how annoying is that?

Basically I was in that thing for 40 minutes singing over and over again in my head:-

"I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me
Galileo (Galileo)
Galileo (Galileo)
Galileo figaro (Magnifico)
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go, let him go
Bismillah! We will not let you go, let me go
Will not let you go, let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me".

By the way what the hell does Scaramouche mean?

I just want an appointment not the Spanish Inquisition

This is a conversation I had today while trying to book an MRI:-

Me: "I'd like to book an MRI for Friday"
Receptionist: "Sure I just need to ask you a few questions"
Me: "OK"
Receptionist: "Do you have a pacemaker or any other electrical advice embedded"
Me: "No" (Geez I don't hit 40 for another few months)
Receptionist: "Do you have any metal in you - rods, pins etc"
Me: "No" (I always wanted to be the bionic woman though)
Receptionist: "Have you ever had any metal in your eye"
Me: "No" (Are you trying to make out that I am Frankenstein, I think that is possibly the wierdest question I have ever been asked)
Receptionist: "Are you pregnant or trying to get pregnant"
Me: "No that is what did my back in - in the first place"
Receptionist: "Oh - that's a little too much information"
Me: "What? Wait! No! I didn't mean that! I meant having kids got me into the situation, the actual birth process not the pre birth - Oh God I'm making this worse aren't I, I wouldn't share that type of information, not on the phone to someone I just met anyway". (Heather - SHUT UP - you are making it worse)
Receptionist: "he, he, he" laughing
Me: "I am blushing now"
Receptionist: "he, he, he" still laughing
Me: "So do you have any appointments on Friday" (Please let me get off the phone as soon as possible before I say something else that will embarass myself).

Guilty as charged!

This is really a "sorry" to my friends and family who have listened to me whine recently about my kids. I truly am grateful for having 2 fantastic children, who are healthy, and as you know I waited a long time to get them, and the road was hard. However, I had no idea how parenting would put me in a permanent sense of guilt. They didn't teach me 'you would be guilty as charged' in my birthing classes.

You have dreams about what type of parent you are going to be, and I've learnt I'm not quite the person in my dreams. I thought it wouldn't be till the teen age years that I would be continually arguing with my kids, not when they were 2 and 4. but when you are exhausted sometimes even the smallest things can grate on your nerves and I feel guilty all the time:

I felt guilty when I went back to work and now I feel guilty about staying home and not bringing in any income.
I felt guilty when I stopped fulltime breastfeeding at 7 months and then completely at 10 months.
I feel guilty when they don't get their 5 sources of fruits and vegetables a day.
I feel guilty for letting them watch to much TV.
I feel guilty for telling them off - when sometimes the punishment doesn't always fit the crime.
I feel guilty for not wanting them to sit on my lap sometimes, when I just want a moment to myself - like on the toilet!!!!
I feel guilty for only having 4 dates with my husband in 4 years without kids.
I feel guilty for not having any time to myself since November (the physical therapy sessions don't count).
I feel guilty the dogs have had slow motion walks in the last 4 years and don't get to go out as often as they should.
I feel guilty they have to share a room and there is no chance of us getting a bigger house until I do go back to work full time.
I feel guilty when sometimes my kids just want a hug from me and I don't want to give it to them as I am in the middle of cooking, or laundry or ... (this one is the worst).

There are many other things that give me that sense of guilt, these are just some. I know I should just let it go, take things in my stride, and most of the time I do. I know I am doing the best job that I can do, but sometimes I dwell!

So to my friends and family I'm sorry I have been whining and guess what I feel guilty about it!

I still have Mummy Brain

You know I thought by now my mummy brain would have gone and I wouldn't look like such an idiot all the time. Apparently, my mummy brain is still with me.

I had to pick up a home lumbar traction device from my physical therapist the other day and for the first time my little ones came to her office. As she helped me out to the car with the very large box, Molly-Mae went to the front of the car. As I watched her I realized I couldn't see Charlie. "Where's Charlie" I said in a panicked voice, scanning the street. As I turned to see my physical therapist looking very strangely at me, a voice said "here I am". Where was he? IN MY ARMS! I did that nervous chuckle type noise and then proceeded to tell her about my long and exhausting week trying to make some sense out of the fact that I was panicking about losing a son that I was carrying. I think I need sleep! Some uninterrupted sleep with no 2 legged or 4 legged creatures waking me up. I am truly exhausted but it may also be because Nic's been gone for 12 days and comes back tonight. In the time he has been gone the following has happened:-

• My car battery died and the car had to be towed and I was in the middle of nowhere, and when I say nowhere, I mean surrounded by artichoke fields with the nearest town about 7 miles away.
• I stabbed my daughter in the back with the leg of a chair I was carrying - I didn't see her.
• My son jammed his fingers in between the baby car seat and the base of my friends baby.
• My dog got diagnosed with 2 cancerous lumps.
  
• My car developed a leaking radiator
• Nic's car that I started to use - freaked me out because it started to kangeroo hop down the road as it was low on petrol.
• My Dr decided to send me for an MRI.
• Oh and who can forget my husband got to spend Valentines day with McDreamy.
  

The diversity of preschools

I have decided it is high time to send my daughter to preschool. So for the last month we have been visiting several preschools in the area. We have visited 4 so far:-

• School A - This one I love and would dearly love to send her to, but it is over our head in terms of payment. A nice mix of different cultural backgrounds.
  
• School B - Old, nice teacher, dress up area including glittery red Dorothy shoes. Not ideal location, as we visited a little boy was out of control!
• School C - Facility was great in terms of what they offered but very dirty, huge diversity in kids, not so sure about the teacher.
• School D - Clean, diverse, lots of facilities and cost was great.

So I asked Molly-Mae which one of the four she wanted to go to, totally expecting her to say school A or school D and she said "the one with the red sparkly shoes". "Why?" I said."Because those shoes are my favorite and I want to wear them".

I wish life was that easy!

We chose school D - sorry MM.

I am sick to my stomach

If there is one thing that will make my blood boil, it is animal cruelty, and if there is anything that will send me to the edge it is animal cruelty and injustice.

In December a 61 year old man was convicted of 14 felony counts of dog fighting, in Wilkes County, North Carolina. He got 8-10 months jail time. His 145 dogs of which 60 were puppies, some born after the raid were all destroyed yesterday. DESTROYED!

Remember the case of Michael Vick, quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, and his pit bull dog fighting ring that got busted - well these 2 fantastic organizations Best Friends and BADRAP (Bay Area Doglovers Responsible About Pit Bulls) turned the lives of those dogs around. One of the dogs Hector, even became a therapy dog.

But what happened to the Wilkes County dogs. Best Friends, BADRAP, Villa Lobos Rescue Center, amongst other organizations that have had a lot of experience with pit bulls were basically ignored in their plea to have these dogs evaluated. The protests of the human experts of the mass euthanasia of canines seized, including 60 puppies were silenced today.

As I write this I feel sick to the stomach. This was not necessary. This was judging a book by a cover. This is a strange comparison but less than 60 years ago a black person wasn't allowed to sit next to a white person on a bus because of what he looked like. That person may have been the kindest, gentlest person but he was treated terribly because of his color, his breeding so to speak. Here we are today with a black president.

My own dogs were rescues. One from death row, one from a rescue organization that pulls them out of kill shelters. One has the canine good citizen award. One has had a full page feature on her in the local paper talking about discrimination. Have they changed peoples minds about the breed? Yes! A co-worker wouldn't even come within 15 feet of our dogs when he first met them believing all the myths he had heard. Now he wrestles on the floor with them.

I beg you next time you see a pit bull please judge it on its behaviour not because of what breed it is. If you want to read more on this tragic story please check out http://badrap-blog.blogspot.com

Macy my canine good citizen and Molly-Mae


One cheeky Charlie and Hurricane rescued from Death Row

You're listening to what?

My 4 year old was playing doctor with me the other day and as she placed the stethoscope on my chest she said...
"Mummy can I listen to your fart?"

McDreamy spent Valentines Day with my husband

Yep, my husband is touring with a big bicycle race the Tour of California and so we knew we weren't going to spend Valentines day together! So you can imagine how pi**ed I was when I called my husband on Valentines day to profess my undying love to him, only to find that he had just had lunch with McDreamy! First of all, I am the one that is in love with the show, I am the one that stays up at night to watch every minute, I am the one that finds him all fuzzy wuzzy and he is the one that gets to spend time with him. Not just a "hi, how are you doing", NO a freakin sit down next to me, pass me the ketchup, lets talk bikes and cars LUNCH! If I had known he was going to be attending the Tour of California I would have made the 7 hour roundtrip drive to Sacramento just to see him never mind the fact I could have been the one passing the ketchup.

Isn't there something wrong with the fact that my husband gets to spend Valentines day with my dream husband - how rude!

A letter to Charlie

Charlie you know I love you more than life itself, but there are a few things I need to clear up with you. When you use the potty please do not come and sit on my lap straight afterwards, without a diaper on, I am not to happy about the recent poop messages you have been leaving on my jeans. I would also appreciate it when I ask you if you have pooped, if you don't lie, so that when I go to pull your diaper to check I don't get poop rammed up my fingernails.

Daddy's hammer is not your toy. I know you love to play with it but it weighs half as much as you do and making big round marks in our furniture, doors, or floor is really not appreciated.

If you could please attempt to not shout when the phone rings and I am trying to talk that would really help me, and no the man from Merill Lynch does not want to talk to you, even though he would probably get more sense out of you than me.

The dogs are not toys, or horses or bedding.

I know you like belly buttons and you find it comforting when you stick your finger in yours, but if you could not stick your finger in mine that would be great, as it really, really makes me want to pee.

The bathwater is not for drinking as your bare bottom has been sitting in it for the last half an hour.

The table is not for stabbing your fork into - those small round holes are lovely but I don't like them in my table anymore.

Chasing you around the car trying to put you in the car seat is really not my idea of fun. Even though you find it highly amusing it really rather irritates me especially when we are late for an appointment.

Your songs are lovely but if I hear one more time "Twinkle, Twinkle liddl dar" at the top of your voice, when I am trapped in the car, it may just send me over the edge.

I don't know how you do it, but somehow you manage to get snacks out of every other mum at the park, gymnastics class or wherever else we might be. If you could get me some of those tasty chocolates next time that would be fantastic.

Why is it that you have to stand on every toy? Do you not see that toy drum? Does it hurt as you stand on the trains and train tracks? Even though I ask you not to stand on them why do you not hear me?

At aged 2 - do you have to answer each "No" from me with a "why?" Your sister didn't start the "why" until she was 3.

The dog water is not for washing your face in.

B is for...

One of my favorite bloggy friends Rachel, gave me a little task last week, post 10 things that I love that begin with the letter B. Let me tell you this was pretty hard - I could think of 6 things straight away, but it took a few days to come up with the rest. So here are my 10 things in random order.

Bicycles - they are a big part of our lives.

Blue - my favorite color. I love blue skies, blue oceans, but my favorite color blue is the color of Molly-Mae's eyes.

Bermuda - a little piece of heaven on Earth.

Brothers and Sisters - Couldn't live without them. Family means everything to me.

Bulldogs - Any dog with Bull in its name:- Staffordshire Bull Terriers, Pit Bull Terriers, English Bulldogs, American Bulldogs, Bull Mastiffs - you get the idea. I love these goof balls, that have been given a bad rap mainly because they are in the hands of some very irresponsible dog owners. To own them is to love them.

British Columbia - This is one place I would love to live. You have the wonders of the sea and the beauty of the mountains. If you are into outdoors stuff - this is the place to be.

Bubbles - What is there not to love about bubbles. Those iridescent orbs that bring so much joy to young and old.

Beaches - I don't know anyone who doesn't love the beach. We are very lucky where we live we can go to the beach whenever we want and sometimes we are the only ones on it.
This is one of my favorite beaches.

Birthdays - who doesn't love birthdays. We are hitting some big birthdays this year in our house.

Biscotti - Yummy! There is a certain Italian man called Sal who makes the best ever.

I Wish I could sleep like this

The other day as my husband checked on my kids my son was practically falling out of bed. He picked him up and went to move him, as he did so he felt something down the back of my son's pyjamas. He took a look and found this:-


How do you sleep like that? I wish I could sleep that deeply.

Physics Lesson Number 2 - Sand Hurts

I hate physics - in fact I was crap at it in school and apparently I still am. I did learn a valuable physics lesson on the weekend though and I thought I'd share it.

Say you had one of these handy lightweight folding hand trucks, and you're husband wants help because he has spent all day building a sand pit for the junior Fergiesims family, it would probably be best to decline. But then you start feeling guilty as you have been lounging around in the 70 degrees Winter weather watching him.

Then you have 12 of these and they have to be moved from one end of the back garden to the other and you're guilt starts to increase as you watch your husband slave away. You feel at least you could help him move some of the 50lb bags even though you are not supposed to be lifting anything because you have a bad back.

So here it is physics lesson number 2. If the very handy dandy lightweight folding hand truck is leaning back slightly as you place/drop the 50lb bag of play sand onto the foot of the handy dandy truck, you will find the weight of the sand will transfer a force downwards pushing the handle of the truck upwards and forwards most likely smashing you in the side of the head at a rapid rate of knots forcing you to fall downwards, screaming obscenties and making you cry like a baby. Try not to do this in front of the 4 and 2 year old junior members of the household, as this may cause them to cry, watching their mother turn into an eel, squirming around on the floor holding the side of her head. Leaving 3 out of 4 members of the family crying.

So in the future tell husband to do it himself.

Dad

Its been 6 years since you were taken from this life
The pain in my heart still feels like a knife
You've never seen your grandkids and it hurts like hell
Is this going to ease? Only time will tell.

I look at Charlie and I see you in his ways
Thank God I don't see those final days
Full of mischief is my little boy
His hammer and tools are his favorite toy.

Molly-Mae is so sweet you would be proud
She looks at photos and says aloud
"Thats grandpoppy, you're daddy huh mum?"
A fleeting moment my mind goes numb.

You never got to see them and it makes me sad
I still go to pick up the phone and say "Hey Dad"
The amount of respect for you is true and clear
to raise us kids alone - without any fear.

My life without you has not been the same
Although this time has eased the pain
My joys as a parent, I'm filled with love
Knowing that you are watching me from above.

6 years have gone by both long and quick
That horrible cancer that made you sick
Still to this day it makes me so sad
I miss you so much I love you dad.

Physics Lesson with Garage doors

I have previously told you I was crap at physics. But this weekend I learnt 2 valuable physics lessons here is lesson number 1.

If a 2 year old has hold of a moving garage door that is operated by remote control, the momentum of the garage door is transferred lifting the 2 year old off the ground. The cause and reaction effect transfers to a 4 year old girl who screams at the top of her voice - which in turn causes a domino effect allowing mother of said 2 year old to also scream at the top of her voice. Resulting in this:The momentum of said mother is at warp speed. Apparently she can get from one side of the garage to the other in about 3 steps.

As for the rising 2 year old, he was at shoulder height of mother by the time she got there and to top it off was giggling the whole way up. I swear this child is going to give me a heart attack.

Lesson 1 over - lesson 2 later this week.

Do you chase Beavers?

Today as my daughter was playing with her toy cat she turned to my husband and said:

MM - "You don't like kitty cats do you daddy?"
Nic - "No, I like cats."
MM- "Oh that's right you're lergic."
Nic - "Yep, I'm allergic".
MM - "Do you chase beavers?"

At which point my husband and I burst out laughing and it was the type of laughter where I had tears flowing from my eyes. He couldn't even answer her he was laughing so much.

I love how 4 year olds think!