I find it hard to deal with rude people. I often get annoyed with myself for not sticking up for the underdog when they are being bullied by rude people. It's the Brit in me - don't get involved, don't hurt people's feelings, mind your manners etc. Then I just get mad at myself and fester in the "what I should have said" scenarios.
Yesterday was no exception. I walked into the swimming pool changing room to find 2 women staring at a little boy. One lady (probably in her late 60's) went marching over to the boy and said "where's your mother little boy?" The boy said "its my grandmother and she is using the toilet". The older lady grabbed the boy by the shoulder and marched him to the sinks and told him to "stand there, this is a ladies changing room and you are too old to be in here". The boys grandmother came out of the toilet and was looking for the boy. The other lady pounced on her "is this your grandson, he is far too old to be in here. There are women changing!" The other woman was completely surprised and said "he is 5". "That is way to old to be in the womens changing room, he needs to be out of here look at that sign it says "boys 4 and older need to use the male changing rooms or use the family changing room". The poor other woman grabbed her belongings and the boy's hand and left.
I was flabbergasted! First of all at the intensity of the verbal attack on this poor lady but by the fact that I had never seen the sign before. The woman stormed back to the corner where I was changing and said to her friend "stupid English cow that type of thing makes me so pissed". She saw me glare at her. "I am allowed to say that because my husband's English" she proclaimed. At which point I said "Actually I am English, in fact we are all English" pointing to my kids and my mother in Law who was busily helping my kids get changed. Then she proceeded to ask me questions like how long I have been here etc. and I did NOT want to talk to her. BUT being the Brit I am, I of course answered politely. What I wanted to say was "you are such a rude person, who gives you the right to call someone an "English cow" certainly not because your husbands British and stop swearing in front of my kids" BUT I DIDN'T! I am so annoyed with myself for not saying what I really wanted to say and not sticking up for the other "grandma".
I discussed it with my mother in law afterwards. My daughter is 4 now and if it was the other way around and my husband had her in the mens changing rooms, I would not want her to be in the womens on her own. Yes, there is one family changing room I discovered last night but when you have 40 kids coming out of swimming lessons at the same time, how quickly does that get filled up. Do you agree is 4 years old too young?
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13 comments:
I think that woman was way out of line. Chill out. It's a little boy. It's not like he's 12. I'm amazed at how some people will waste precious time and energy yelling about ridiculous things.
This goes back to my belief that you should always assume good intentions. I wouldn't think that someone was ignoring a sign, I would just assume they didn't see it. And those signs worry me since my own son is going to be five in the Spring (and looks more like he's six), but with his delays he is VERY young for his age. He can't go into a men's room by himself! I see the point of not wanting older boys in a women's room...but there must be a better solution...
This is happened to me too. A situation where I wished I had spoke up. Too frustrating. Those woman were way out of line and they should have never spoke to that boy or touched him either. That poor grandmother, she must have been so embarassed. What the hell, a 5 year old boy was just standing there waiting to catch a glimpse of those old goats and their precious bodies. Give me a break.
4 is definately too young -what is obviously needed is either more 'family' change rooms or possibly some 'private changing booths' where the child can be cared for by the opposite gender parent/caregiver without offending anyone. There are plenty of people who aren't comfortable in communal change rooms and I've found they often hog the family rooms anyway!!
It is hard to speak up sometimes, esp when you have kids in tow but sometimes they need to see you stand up for what is right - or they never will either.
I would think my stress at undressing in front of leering fathers in a family changing room trumps the distress of someone getting changed in front of a five year old. And even if she disagreed, there was no need to be rude.
This topic comes up every time my girls take swim lessons. First of all, yes I agree with everyone else that there needs to be more family changing rooms (our school district's pool doesn't have any) to avoid this scenario (or just to avoid the cranky old ladies) but if there isn't or they are unavailable, a 5 year old boy in a women's changing room is not the end of the world! Come on people, we're talking about a child!
Those old ladies had no right to be harassing that boy or the grandmother and her insensitive remarks and BS explanation of why she may call someone a terrible name in front of children is insane. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have spoken up either but you would think that at this point in that cranky woman's life she would have learned a little thing about being kind to others. Maybe she should spend some time in Kindergarten!
I think she was unbelievably rude! Argh! And yes, four is too young to change on their own. I guess the only solution is to wait your turn for the family changing room? I hate rude people.
I would just brush her off if you have the misfortune to meet again! What on earth does it mean that she's 'allowed' that abusive language just becoz her husband's english?!
I take my son to the family changing room coz he goes all googly-eyed with my husband in the men's changing room! Apparently men don't have any problem with letting it all hang out!! hahahahahha!!!!
I often wonder this myself. My boys are 6 and 3 and my daughter is 4. So, I can't "split" us when we go somewhere with no locker room. Seriously, though, she could have handled it a lot better. I would have been more worried she was going to turn him off from women all together. It was probably my grandma, though, she can be totally snitty like that and not even think outside her own narrow view. But, I am going to start using that phrase!
No - that woman was soooo out of line. At the weekend I chaperoned my cousin's 12th birthday party at the local swimming pool and I went into the changing room with them and they were all 11/12 years old but they just needed some help to get organised.
Clearly that woman has no soul. End of!
Completely agree. My son will be SIX this week and there's no way I'd let him go into a public men's room alone. We do use the family restroom/lounge when one is available, but not many places have these. And at a restaurant, when I don't want to drag ALL FOUR kids to the ladies' room because HE has to go potty, my oldest daughter (age 9) accompanies him. I would be horrified to hear someone was rude to them and (like you), probably want to avoid a confrontation with a mean old lady, but speak to the manager.
If that lady was uncomfortable, she could have changed in the bathroom stall. I wouldn't change in front of ANYONE in a locker room, anyways, no matter what their age or gender. Unlike that old coot, I KNOW nobody wants a glimpse of my saggy body!
Oh, it's a really difficult issue, but RUDENESS doesn't help. That poor little boy...
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