My husband has been in Monaco and Marseilles and touring France for work, while I am home feeling more than a little hostile. I don't understand why parenting has to be so hard! Nic has been gone for 10 days, 3 months in total since the beginning of the year. Its been 10 days here, 16 days there. I am trying really hard to be positive and to tell myself think of all those people that don't have a significant other to help them raise their children, but lets just say, "I am over his traveling".
I don't want to be the one that is the meanie mum that won't let them watch tv, I don't want to take out the trash and fill the car with engine oil. Even when he is here I am the one that takes the kids to preschool, gymnastics, swimming, Dr's appointments, birthday parties, blah, blah, blah.
I want him home, I want to go to bed and sleep deeply, I want to have a shower without wondering what trouble Charlie is getting into. I don't want to be the only one having to deal with the nightly "go back to bed routine" which goes on for an hour each night. I want to feel him breathe into my hair at night and the touch of his body and hear his voice in the next room instead of the end of a phone. Plus just as an added bonus I seem to go on self destruct mode when Nic is gone and eat anything and everything, you know the typical comfort food trick.
I know I should be damn grateful he has a job and I am. It is a job he loves, he gets to travel the world in a career that is a hobby as well as a job. Who gets to do that? Not too many people I know. Its just there are times when I feel so exhausted and almost a single parent. At this time of year I drive 100 miles a day, taking the kids to preschool in one direction and to swimming lessons 4 days a week, in the other. I have had to go to bed at 8PM, three nights this week because I am so tired. Charlie wakes up at 5.30am and still will come into our bedroom more than 2 nights a week. When Nic is here he will carry him back to bed, when he is gone I let him get into bed, because I am just too tired to do anything about it and Charlie is a leaner, he has to lean on you and touch you while sleeping next to you.
Everything becomes a chore, getting the kids into the car, grocery shopping, even cleaning teeth seems to be such hard work when Nic is away.
Charlie especially seems to punish me when Nic is gone. He always seems to be extra naughty, or is it me being extra tired, either way we seem to clash much more when daddy is away. When Nic left this time, Charlie cried for half an hour, he was totally devastated, his heart was broken and so was mine.
Wow, this is quite the moan, but for all those parents that have done this on their own even for a few days, I am sure you know what I mean. As for any single parents out there, my heart goes out to you and I salute you.
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12 comments:
Oh I can so relate to this. My husband travels a lot and it is so terribly hard sometimes. It's just plain hard to be everything to everyone 24 hours a day while also running a household.
I have a whole new respect for single parents.
wow! That sure is a long time to be away! I wonder how he must feel to be away and miss all the little things about your son! I know that both my husband and I really want to spend as much time as possible with our kids now coz childhood is over in the blink of an eye! I know how hard it must be for you and I'm guessing, its hard in a different way for Nic too.
I did it alone for sixteen years, fortunately with only one child. I was in full time employment, son went to nursery, but the in between times and holidays were stressful. I can empathise over the tireness. Try and look on the bright side, I mean how would it be without your kids.
That is tough. I give you a lot of credit for getting through each of those days alone. Parenting solo is a difficult task. You must be exhausted by the end of the day. Hugs :)
we're allowed a little rant now and then.
NO GUILT!!!
I'm so sorry! My husband travels a bit - but not THAT much. But I understand how that "single parent" while married thing goes - even just for short periods of time. And I can imagine how wearing all of that travel must be on you. And to see your baby cry when daddy leaves - that HURTS!
Oh you poor thing. Let it all out! I know it must be so damn hard....maybe he can plan a long stretch of time when he's home in the near future? Call or email anytime - just remember the time difference. No need to wake me up at night. hehe. Just kidding. Hang in there Heather!!!
I wish we lived closer - so I could help you out with all the 'stuff' that you are going through. Hugs & Kisses little sis, don't forget that you are doing a damn fine job, despite the way you feel right now! You know where to find me if you wish to continue the rant down the phone...
xoxox
I totally hear you sister! My husband just got home from being gone for the past week and a half. It was brutal, and some of that time I was on vacation. I'm not sure what was harder - working and juggling the kids, or being home and juggling the kids - both were hard.
My kids act up more when he is gone too, and get emotional about him leaving and then emotional about missing him when he's gone. It's really, really tough - so I feel for you!!!
Thanks for visiting my blog. Sounds tough having him gone so often. I'm the one who travels more in our house (though only a few days at a time) and I have huge appreciation for my husband holding down the fort - even if he did once have the kids spend a whole weekend in their pyjamas.
Thanks for this post! I can relate very well. My had a job for a while that asked him to travel for about two weeks out of every month so he was gone half the month. That was awful.We have two kids, now 7 and 10.
But now, though he doesn't have the travel, he has the dreaded beepers (he is a doctor) and he let patients, residents, medical students call him at any hour of day or night. Also he goes into work every day, even weekends at 4:30 am and gets home around 7, understandably exhausted.
He is working on making his hours better. I have confronted him in a kind way about it at various times.
Things are changing slowly. I do have hope. He is a good person and his patients and students love him. He also loves what he does. My kids and I do too. We just want more of him.
Good luck to you. It is so helpful to hear from someone else with similar challenges.
This is so hard! Our lives were like this for a long time when the kids were tiny. I was so darn tired, cranky and resentful to have to do it all myself.
The kids are much older now and it is so much easier. Plus, we eat in front of the tv sometimes, go to bed without showers, and generally enjoy a more relaxed schedule when he's away. I think I'm actually NICER to be around when my husband is out of town. I'm not sure why.
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