My husband has been in Monaco and Marseilles and touring France for work, while I am home feeling more than a little hostile. I don't understand why parenting has to be so hard! Nic has been gone for 10 days, 3 months in total since the beginning of the year. Its been 10 days here, 16 days there. I am trying really hard to be positive and to tell myself think of all those people that don't have a significant other to help them raise their children, but lets just say, "I am over his traveling".
I don't want to be the one that is the meanie mum that won't let them watch tv, I don't want to take out the trash and fill the car with engine oil. Even when he is here I am the one that takes the kids to preschool, gymnastics, swimming, Dr's appointments, birthday parties, blah, blah, blah.
I want him home, I want to go to bed and sleep deeply, I want to have a shower without wondering what trouble Charlie is getting into. I don't want to be the only one having to deal with the nightly "go back to bed routine" which goes on for an hour each night. I want to feel him breathe into my hair at night and the touch of his body and hear his voice in the next room instead of the end of a phone. Plus just as an added bonus I seem to go on self destruct mode when Nic is gone and eat anything and everything, you know the typical comfort food trick.
I know I should be damn grateful he has a job and I am. It is a job he loves, he gets to travel the world in a career that is a hobby as well as a job. Who gets to do that? Not too many people I know. Its just there are times when I feel so exhausted and almost a single parent. At this time of year I drive 100 miles a day, taking the kids to preschool in one direction and to swimming lessons 4 days a week, in the other. I have had to go to bed at 8PM, three nights this week because I am so tired. Charlie wakes up at 5.30am and still will come into our bedroom more than 2 nights a week. When Nic is here he will carry him back to bed, when he is gone I let him get into bed, because I am just too tired to do anything about it and Charlie is a leaner, he has to lean on you and touch you while sleeping next to you.
Everything becomes a chore, getting the kids into the car, grocery shopping, even cleaning teeth seems to be such hard work when Nic is away.
Charlie especially seems to punish me when Nic is gone. He always seems to be extra naughty, or is it me being extra tired, either way we seem to clash much more when daddy is away. When Nic left this time, Charlie cried for half an hour, he was totally devastated, his heart was broken and so was mine.
Wow, this is quite the moan, but for all those parents that have done this on their own even for a few days, I am sure you know what I mean. As for any single parents out there, my heart goes out to you and I salute you.