Vegas Wierdo's

On Wednesday we left the fog of Monterey to fly South to Las Vegas for our 10 year anniversary trip. We were sitting in Monterey airport, when we spotted our first weirdo. Yes, apparently there are pirates in Monterey who insist on wearing their hat on the airplane.

I thought the modern word for pirate is a terrorist! "Uh Nic, the wierdo in the pirate hat is wearing it on the plane". I had to stop get my camera out of my bag and take a picture, just so people would believe me.















When we get to Vegas there was a lot of 'hot' women, 'hoochie' women and not one hot man, NOT ONE, in 2 nights, even Nic admitted there wasn't any hot men. Not that I was looking for a hot man, after all I have one and we are celebrating 10 years of wedded bliss.

We did see a very drunk man jump off the bridge into the Venetian waters which was pretty funny. I did video it for you but it is to big to upload - sorry - just try to imagine it.

I am sorry if any of you reading this are from Vegas but truly it is quite a wierd place, there is the richness associated with the casinos and the tackiness of the strip. You have the amazing casinos and then outside them there is this line of people trying to give you cards for 'Girls direct to your room'. One day we came back via a road directly behind the casinos and it was rows of strip clubs - its just tacky, which I know is what Las Vegas is also known for but they were really, really slumy (not sure if that is a word).

We did do a lot of people watching, and one day we did play a fun game of 'marry, spend the night with and go around the world on a cruise with" while Nic tried very poorly to photograph the worst and ugliest men in the Bellagio on his cell phone and then send them to our friend so she could decide for me. (If you haven't played it - you have to pick 3 people and decide which one you would marry, spend the night with and go around the world with). Nic was not tactful at all, while trying to take photos it was really embarrassing, but quite amusing for me. I couldn't stop laughing at how crap he was! More on Vegas in the next post.

Spider

Last night I was writing my blog when my darling husband threw a plastic spider onto my keyboard and because I can't control my mouth - out came the words "f*ck, oh f*ck" and then I realized what it was and called Nic a "f*cker". Can I just say it wasn't pleasant when I realized I called Nic a "f*cker" with my mother in law sitting opposite me. On the bright side at least I didn't call him a 'mother f*cker".

10 Years of Wedded Bliss

This weekend we finally hit 10 years of wedded bliss. We did go out to celebrate for breakfast in Carmel. Let me tell you about Carmel! It is a wealthy town with people who are obsessed with dogs, which works out for us as we are dog lovers - although we are not wealthy. Anyway, breakfast was great and we left the restaurant only to see the tail end (get the pun) of a parade happening. There were all sorts of dogs dressed up in silly costumes. We saw dogs dressed as hot dogs, Pumpkins, Darth Vadar and various forms of ballet dancers with tutu's on - all with tails coming out of their rear end. It was pretty amusing, I must say. I have not ventured to dress our hounds up in outfits yet, although I have to admit once I put a crop top on Macy and told Nic we were going out for a run, to which he replied "no way on earth are you taking our dog out looking like that". (I didn't)

So what has the last 10 years given us -
A move from the UK to the USA
A home - that is now bulging at the seams
A beautiful little girl - Molly-Mae
A handsome little boy - Charlie
But best of all 10 years of the 3L's - Love, laughter and living life to the full

I can't believe we have been in the USA 10 years - that's what amazes me more.

I thought about our wedding day - the fact that I was so late because of the major storm the day before and the traffic was still crazy because of the flooding - I thought about all the people that joined us to celebrate our wedding and those that we have lost - all the children that have been created since that day - all the friends we have gained, who we did not invite but would have loved to have had there. Of course I thought about my dress and the crazy suit Nic got married in.

I can honestly say there is no-one I would rather have spent the last 10 years with, as his wife. Nic is funny, crazy, a great father, a great cook and very handy too - not quite as handy as Handy Manny, but working on it!

So what are we doing to celebrate our 10 years of love - well 'what happens in Vegas is staying in Vegas' unless anything really funny happens in the 2 days we are there.

The end of a week

So here are a few things that I wanted to comment on

• Lots of people told me you only have spots/zits/pimples as a teenager - they LIED! I am definitely not a teenager any more, although sometimes I like to think I am - for Christ's sake I hit 40 next year and my face has erupted in blotchy zits. I'm a squeezer, I can't help it, I have to squeeze and I know it is worse, but truly if you met me in the street would you rather look at me with red blotches or white pussy zits. I know if it was me, I would not be able to take my eyes of the Mount Vesuvius on your face.
• I am very popular this week - my email inbox has been inundated with messages from Michelle Obama, Joe Biden, Barack Obama and even Senator Feinstein. I am so lucky to have friends in high places. Do you think I could email Barack to speed up my citizenship when it comes to it. I would say "Hey Barack, how are you? Do you like your change of accommodation. I think the White House needs a paint, I am thinking Mediterranean Blue. Do you remember when you emailed me for more money to help your campaign, well could you now speed up my citizenship for me, that would be great. Please bring Michelle and the kids over for Afternoon tea when you are in the area, now that we are friends, I have made some special orange and cranberry sticky buns for you".
• If Sarah Palin says "Also" one more time - I am going to scream.
• I decided I would never run for vice president this week after finding out, you have to release your medical records - seriously - I don't want the world knowing about my vajayjay - not that I have any issues with my vajayjay - its just eeewww - I don't want the world to know.
• Molly-Mae stated really loudly in the public toilets in San Francisco airport "mummy you have stinky pee".
• I am a little freaked out by the relationship with Dr Erica Hahn and Callie Torres-O'Mally on Greys Anatomy, not because I am a homophobe, because I am not - its just they are making it icky! Its an icky relationship and I think I will write to Shondra Rimes and tell her - the relationship is Icky! Callie was a much nicer charachter when she danced around the hospital in her underwear.
  
• Finally - its my 10 year anniversary tomorrow, with the love of my life. What are we doing for our anniversary weekend I hear you ask? Hmmmm! Well! He is cycling in a bicycle race - how romantic is that - I get to sit on the sidelines, while he gets all hot and sweaty with his shaved legs and cycling shorts! Don't get me wrong I would go anywhere in the World to be with him, (Oh I did that! I moved 5800 miles away to the USA for him) but could we just do something a little more romantic this weekend, this weekend of all weekends. PLEASE! For once!
  

Cleaning Law

Yesterday was a weird day. I woke up early and started frantically trying to tidy the house as my mother in law is arriving. As you know all good daughter in laws are not going to want their mother in law to think they are living in a slum. Not that we do live in a slum - just a mess - a daily mess that sometimes is worse than others.

There should be a law about tidying the house with toddlers, it should be "There is a public case for the limitation of time constriction of tidying homes to when the younger generation are no longer awake". Lawyer speak for don't tidy up until the kids are in bed. Why? I hear you ask. Because if not serious harm could come to said toddlers because of the whirlwind mess they cause once you have tidied up.

The morning's cleaning ritual:-

• Open door to let dogs out - several pampas grass seeds came flying into the kitchen
• Oldest child complains you have not washed her dress - her special dress for meeting Nana in.
• Place clothes in washer
• Tidy toys
• Unload dishwasher - spend 1/2 hour teaching 1 year old how to put forks/spoons in correct drawer area (job which would typically take 5 minutes)
• Tidy drawers in children's room - place clothes on bed to sort out what clothes no longer fit - remove 1 year old from bed and messing up piles of clothes - tidy clothes again - remove child again - tidy clothes again - remove child and start to lose mind. Have enough of tidying and put them back in the drawers in some sort of manner that is easy to access.
• Sweep kitchen floor of pampas grass seeds
• Tidy toys
• Vacuum - knock over cup of milk - let out blood curdling scream - frighten kids because they think their mother has been eaten by a giant spider - kids come running into room - smack yourself on the head in disbelief (its better my head than the kids)
• Tidy toys
• Put wash into dryer and put new wash into washing machine
• Children leave patio door open
• More pampas seeds come flying in
• Sweep floors again

GIVE UP! What would have taken about an hour took at least 3 hours - it was such a nightmare!

Dog Bed

Last night I thought I would let both dogs get on the bed to snuggle up to, as Nic is away on business/recreation. Really what he does for a living is not business, that is just pretend adult words.

Anyway, it started well with both dogs on Nic's side of the bed and I snuggled up to the back of Macy. For some reason the wind was strong last night and I got woken up by children's toys being pushed around the garden by small gusts. Where was I when I woke up, curled into the tightest ball on the edge of the bed. When I say edge of the bed I mean if our bed was split up into sixteenths I had about 1/16. I had Hurricane's butt approximately 2 inches from my nose and Macy's back leg poking me in the stomach.

I love my dogs - I do - but not that much! Tonight we are back to normal with just the 1 dog on the bed - yes I know it is favoritism but she has slept on our bed since we got her 9 years ago and her breath smells better than Hurricane's (not sure about the butt - don't want to go there).

Erection

Yesterday at traffic lights Molly-Mae said to me "Look there's erection". I looked around me to see if I could see an exceptionally happy man but there was no one in sight. I said "What are you talking about" and she repeated "look there's erection". I figured out what she was talking about eventually and let her down gently. "No Molly its a direction" - she was pointing to an arrow sign on the road.

I love 3 year olds they are hilarious without even knowing it.

Bye Bye Baba

This weekend we reached the end of an era in our house and I have mixed feelings about it.

On our trip to Hawaii we hardly used Charlie's bottle to get him to sleep so I felt we could finally get rid of Charlie's 'baba'.

I decided the easiest way to do this was to have a little 'bye bye baba' ceremony. So I picked the box of bottles and with the box in one hand and Charlie in the other, we hovered over the recycling bin, the whole time telling Charlie what a "big boy" he was. Charlie took a bottle and quite happily threw it into the bin. We both said "bye, bye, baba". This went on for the next 10 bottles, chanting "bye, bye, baba". I made a huge deal of the empty box and placed Charlie down on the floor. For the next hour he kept going by the recycling, saying "bye, bye, baba". It wasn't until he went to bed that night, he suddenly realized the enormity of his 'bye, bye, baba' actions. We had a little meltdown and once I reminded him about the bottles we threw out he suddenly was ok.

The weird thing was I wasn't ok! I wasn't sad that I had gotten rid of the bottles, they always seemed to get disgusting no matter how many times you wash them and scrub them. What I was sad about, was there will be no bottles in our house anymore. There will be no more newborns to look down on and hold and stare at in amazement, thinking "Wow, we created you". There was a tinge of sadness that night. I am not unhappy we are not having any more kids, truly I am happy with the two wonderful kids that we have, its just the fact that my babies have all grown up already and the time has gone by way to quickly. Everyone warned us, time would go fast and here we are Charlie is approaching 2 and Molly-Mae is approaching 4. Suddenly there are no more babies and 'bye, bye, baba' made me realize that.

The good thing is Charlie has not asked for his bottle since, he understands he is a big boy and using big boy cups now.

Just a note - I saved 1 bottle, just in case, just in case Charlie wants to be a baby again - believe me I am going to hide the bottle and resist using it, maybe it is my security blanket, my lack of not wanting to let go, but I couldn't bring myself to throw out that very last bottle.

Frat Boy

My 22 month old son is turning into a frat boy - I thought he had to be about 18!

Yesterday he stripped off naked and pooped on the lawn. I think his train of thoughts were 'if the dogs can do it so can I'.

Please someone help me!

But why?

This is what occurred on a half hour trip to Santa Cruz this morning:-

MM - Who's that? (pointing at some random guy walking)
Me - I don't know

MM - What is he doing?
Me - Going for a walk somewhere

MM - Where is he going?
Me - I don't know

MM- But Why?
Me - Because I don't know him.

MM - OH!

MM- Why is that tractor on the truck?
Me - I don't know - maybe they are taking it somewhere?

MM - Where?
Me - I don't know

MM - But what's it doing?
Me - I don't know

MM - What is that car doing?
Me - He's slowing down because the traffic lights are red.

MM - But why?
Me - Because he has to.

MM - But why?
Me - Because the lights are red.

MM - But why are they red?
Me - So that the other traffic can move.

MM - But why?

Me - (Changing the subject) Oh no I forgot to clean Charlie's teeth!
MM - His teeth are going to fall out!

MM - 10 minutes of a made up song about their teeth falling out

I thought when I was a mum I would know all the answers!!!

Poop on the plane

We are home from our lovely Kona coffee filled week in Hawaii.

Update on Terenzo Bazzone - I told you earlier in my posts he was kind of clutzy - well he broke his hand cycling over a speed bump for breakfast. Hopefully it won't have any effect on his World Championship hopes in Clearwater in a few weeks. (By the way "Hi Terrenzo's dad if you are reading and sorry I called your son clutzy").

Macca unfortunately was unable to defend his championship due to a technical problem and TJ was having issues with salt deficiency. Not the best day for Specialized riders.

We had a chance to swim with the dolphins one last time - Nic and I got to swim with 3 dolphins for a couple of minutes which was great, not quite as magical as the other day but still wonderful.

On our trip back to San Jose I had to change Charlie's diaper on the plane. I had always made Nic do it before as he was on the aisle. Wow, it was so awkward trying to change a poopy diaper in a space that only fits one person never mind two. Then Charlie reached down touched his undercarriage and then put his poopy hand on the wall! GREAT! Not only do I have to clean smelly boy parts but now toilet walls. In my mind I am thinking how on earth does Nic do this. The answer came to me in a flash as I opened the toilet door as there in front of me was the 'flippin changing table'. Damn him for knowing it was there.

I just want to say traveling with little ones is a NIGHTMARE. 2 car seats, stroller, our own bags and a 22 month old that has a mind of his own - running through customs!!!!!!!!!!

Aloha part 3 - Spinners

So yesterday I reached one of my all time goals in life. I got to swim with dolphins.

I wasn't prepared for this at all and went to watch my husband (team no training do his first long swim of the year), swim 2 miles over to the Captain Cook monument at 6.30am. As I was watching him swim back to shore a pod of spinner dolphins swam behind him. (You can see the grey blimps in the water behind Nic in this picture). I was so jealous! As he made his way over the rocks, we stood there watching these majestic creatures of the sea, jump, swim and spin along the Hawaiian shoreline.

As we watched the dolphins swim towards a group of snorkelers not to far from shore. Mary, the other girl I was with, we looked at each other and commented how jealous we were and then we thought hey, lets swim out there. Neither of us were prepared but we stripped down to our underwear and shorts - (glad I wore my white bra) and tried not to show my 'floaters' (got my bumpers awareness month comment in) and started the long swim out to the snorkelers. (We swam out to the first white buoy in this picture).

The water temperature was perfect, the clarity of the water was crystal and the anticipation was relentless. I kept stopping to look up and see if I could see them, they seemed pretty far off. Eventually we got to some of the buoy's and just kind of drifted. Then all of a sudden about 30 feet away came one dolphin who jumped out of the water. He continued in a complete circle around us jumping and diving - I literally could not contain myself as I let out a "wooooo". We were so busy watching him that we didn't notice the rest of the pod come towards us. I suddenly looked down and saw a dolphin underneath me. I tapped Mary and pointed down and as I watched the whole pod calmly swam under us, including 3 mothers and 3 calves. Oh, how I wished I had a snorkel at that moment I couldn't hold my breath long enough. One of the dolphins came up for air less than 10 feet from me, it was exhilerating. There was a remarkable stillness and calm to the whole thing. I could have stayed there for hours. I can see how dolphins are used for rehabilitation because there is just something about them, they are almost magical.

Unfortunatly we had to turn back to shore after about 20 minutes of complete awe only to see the Hawaiian shoreline lit up by the sun causing the most amazing silouette of the mountains and palm trees.

The experience for me was one that will go down in my history along with my wedding day and the birth of my little ones.

Aloha Part 2

Sights I have seen since being here that I don't normally see.

• A man walking down the street with mini pink speedo's on - eeeewww!


• Some rather hot men with mini black speedo's on - mmmmm!


• A turtle


• A Gecko in my closet


• A dolphin


• Mongooses or are they mongeese when there is more than one

So the funny thing about the guy with the pink speedos on - all the girls are staring at him thinking OMG! All the guys try there hardest not to look - but I know their inside voices are saying OMG!

Charlie has been using the toilet and is doing really well except every time he poops he thinks he is pooping lizards. He keeps looking down into the toilet bowl saying "lizard, lizard".

Aloha Part 1

Aloha from Kona!

Can I just point out 7 hours of flying with a 3 year old and a 1 year old - not my favorite thing to do. Charlie was sooooo fidgety and Molly-Mae's knees could not bend when she was sitting in her seat, which meant her legs stuck straight out and her feet touched the seat in front. So of course every time she moved she ended up kicking the chair in front where the Witches of Eastwick were sitting. Unfortunately we were the annoying family that had the kids standing up and down and kicking the chairs even though they were trying not to. At one point we got the "Can you please tell your kids to stop kicking" from the dynamic duo and I have to say I managed to keep my mouth shut because my inside voice was saying "you try doing this with a 3 year old and 1 year old and get back to me on how it works for you".

Kona has been beautiful and like previously stated there are a lot of beautiful people here with toned bodies, abs of steel and even firm palookas (bumpers awareness month plug). The funniest thing was watching the cruise ships pull into town and the mixture of athletes and the 'oh so not athletes' on Alli drive, the main beach road through Kona. The weather is very humid and I can not believe that all these hundreds of athletes want to do a 2 mile swim, followed by 112 miles on the bike and then a marathon in this heat. Just getting the kids in and out of the car I find myself struggling from dehydration.

I have taken the kids on a few photo shoots taking photos of last years Ironman World Champion - Chris McCormack (Macca to those in the know), past World Champion Peter Reid and 2 other pros that are living in the house with us, Terrenzo Bozzone and TJ Tollakson . One very funny thing that happened one night was Terrenzo - who is super nice but a little clutsy - was outside when all of a sudden we heard "Oh shit" and then a very loud splash. (He had dropped his phone into the pool) - for everyone in the house it was very amusing.

Here are a couple of photos from the shoot.

• photo 1 - Macca
• photo 2 - The 4 specialized riders, Macca, Terrenzo, Peter and TJ
• photo 3 - Macca and TJ
• Photo 4 - Nic showing his 'guns' and leading the pack (I am so proud of him)
• photo 5 - Terrenzo

Bloggy Holiday

Aloha! We are off on bloggy holiday, so there will be no posts for a week. Nic is working and I am being a leach and sticking with him like glue, I mean seriously, he gets to work in Hawaii for a week - who wouldn't.

I have a few concerns though.

• We are sharing a house with 7 other people and I am the only one with kids (oh they are so going to love me).
  
• We are going to be surrounded by World Class Triathletes with bodies I would die for - we are there for the World Championship Ironman Triathlon - these crazy people swim 2 miles, bike 112 miles and then run a marathon.
  
• Charlie still wakes up at stupid hours in the morning so there is going to be a lot of ssshhhing
• The pool takes up most of the yard - Charlie loves to jump in and Molly-Mae thinks she is a better swimmer than she is - I am sooooooo worried about this.
  
• Everywhere I look I am going to be viewing abs of steel - and then I will look down at my own abs of marshmallow.
  
• Did I mention we are going to be surrounded by World Class Triathletes with bodies I would die for.

Still - the coffee will be great, there will be lots of beach fun and it will be in Hawaii. From my bumpers awareness month post, I am going to try and use one word for breast a day for the rest of the month, and as we are going to Hawaii here is my statement for today 'Not sure how my coconuts are going to look in my new bikini'. (Boring I know, I should have used Kabukis). I challenge you all to use the most outrageous boob words for the rest of the month. Anything to get women checking their breasts right?

I do however have to comment on last nights debate - sorry can't help myself. Could Sarah Palin say "also" a few more times - really - did she have to say it 3 times per sentence. It drove me crazy along with her winks at the camera. I really felt for Joe Biden when he talked about the death of his wife and daughter, who were killed by a drunk driver, and for me, I felt it was a huge turning point for him with the American public. That is all I have to say on it for now, because I can't vote anyway.

Mahalo!

Catwoman

I apparently am turning into Catwoman.

Last night as I was cleaning my teeth, when I thought Nic was reaching over to tenderly touch my cheek and instead he pulled on a huge hair that was growing in the middle of my face. Can I just say how horrified I was to have my cheek expand about 2 inches as he tugged and tugged on the hair. When I looked in the mirror this whisker was about 1/2 an inch long. First of all to be that length it had to have been there for some time, so why didn't he notice it before, I am sure it didn't just show up over night.

I remember as a child, my history teacher had 2 huge hairs coming out of a mole on her face and I could honestly not keep my eyes off them. I felt like Mike Myers in Austin Powers "moley, moley, moley, moley".

Is this the start of middle age and I am going to get whiskers growing all over my body? Am I going to be one of those little old ladies with hairs coming out of their face, that flap in the wind? Am I going to have to go to have a complete body wax every few months to stop my new covering of fur? Maybe if I do turn into Catwoman my other senses will change to - every time I fall I might land on my feet, I might develop this overwhelming urge to eat fish but best of all maybe I will get Halle Berry's body and look great in leather bras. What do you think? (Yes that is my face - just wish it was my body)