Things that men should never say to their wives

I thought I would share my top 5 things that a man should never say to his wife and mother of his children.

1. Wife is cleaning up children's poop when the phone rings - absent husband says "Hi guess where I am" - Wife, while wiping child's butt "I don't know where are you?' - husband - "Hooters" - wife thinks (did he not see how big my boobs were when I was pregnant, I would have given Dolly Parton a run for her money). Ok, it is not the fact that he was at Hooters it was the fact that he was having dinner, casually, without eating it so fast that it doesn't get cold, or dealing with bored children or poop, truly he could have been eating at Denny's and it would have been the same reaction - so in the future lets ask what I am doing before you tell me how much fun you are having.

2. While giving birth - please do not say "What the hell is that?" as your baby comes out. (Thankfully Nic did not say this to me but could of, because Charlie did came out hand first, it did however happen to my prenatal aquarobics instructor).

3. While giving birth by cesarian - do not say "Uh oh - oh no" - when you see the baby, this freaks the mother out, thinking there is something terribly wrong with the baby. This happened to my OB GYN as they were expecting a girl and it was a boy.

4. Do not say "As you have time" to stay at home mum with 2 kids under 3 - no mum with 2 kids at home all day, has time - that is a myth set out by men.

Finally, please do not ever say "Wow the house is in a bit of a mess" - unless you have been at home with your kids all day on your own for a month! Then you will have permission.